Garble garble...

I have been trying for the past two days to only speak what I like versus what I don't like.
It hasn't quite been as easy as I thought it would be.
I've gotten used to listing things that I don't like, that it's kind of just in my natural dialogue.
Made me realize how...not positive I am. Not that I am so much negative but definitely not positive.
Eye-opener.

Well my new man and I are no more. I have meant to update and post about all the place and things that we have seen together...now it just doesn't seem as important since he is no longer around.
I remember Kevin mentioning that I would definitely be sought after once I reached the south. BUT that I would be a novelty...and soon would be disgarded. He tried to sugar-coat it with words like "big personality", "citified", "progressive"...but it comes down to that I am good for only a moment of time.
Obviously he was correct...my two attempts at a relationship with a southern man...have quickly turned out disasterous (so dramatic am I). Which for me is nothing much...but the fact that each relationship can't even turn into a friendship and not of my choice but because they want that, speaks volumes about how I am clearly not a southern thing...I am an acquired taste so to speak.

Yet, I push forward because I may need a man...and a man may need me. In the for real way, not in the half ass way that I have been living my life thus far. Half assed meaning liking not having responsibility or accountability.

A good thing about going thru a break-up...is that I guess I don't eat as much. I've lost 5 lbs in a week. Just don't have an appetite. Last night I realized that all I had consummed for the day was a cup of coffee. However, although I may need to lose 15 more pounds, I realize that I need to eat.

This weekend is Halloween. It is like a mini Mardi Gras and I am excited about going into the FQ to see the parade and see all the craziness. I thought about dressing up but... Just but.

Last night I attended a showing of Faubourg Tremé: The Untold Story of Black New Orleans. There was a Q&A session afterwards. I had no questions. I always hate Q&A...I never have a question or a comment. Makes it worse that I was sitting almost right in front of the producer and he kept eyeing me...as if he thought that I had had a question all the sudden...or as if he wanted to eat me up. I am going to want to believe the last one of course.

I am secretly drawn to nerd...and A-type personalities...and assholes...and rich men...

Lolis is a nerd...may even be over the sufficient amount...so to speak...but him in his glasses and messed up 70's fro with his little potbelly made me sort of want to pull him to the back of one of the bookstore aisles and stick my tongue down his throat. I didn't, of course, because my sexy swag I had...is now hesitant...boring...and sexless which means not sexy at all.

I am boring.
I am average these days.
Speaking of average...I am almost to the point where I can see myself here for life. I am not sure if I understand why...but... Wait, did I just call New Orleanians average? LOL I am such an ass.

I am thinking about volunteering. I used to but haven't done it for awhile... there are a ton of organizations to volunteer with, for sure but... I am still looking. I liked working with special olympics so...maybe I will head down that route. I think it will soften me up as well. Hoping.