I Think I May Be Grown Up Now

Oh my.
It's been a while, hasn't it?

I can't say that I have alot to write about...well, I do but for all intent and purposes...most of what I have to write is all sort of private and sort of...well, I guess you could say that this time around, I am playing it close to the chest with some of my goings-on.

Ok...so let me start off by saying this...

I feel like I may have done something crazy... You know, something out of character.

Either I turned a wrong corner, fell and bumped my head or...
Whatever. All I know is...
It feels like I kinda grew up...
Sorta. Maybe.
A bit.

You see that living without a job and traveling for the past 3 years sort of had me thinking I could do that for the rest of my life.
Live footloose and fancy free.

I even had visions of me going to some tropical island and finding a old beat down hut to live in while I sold seashells on the side of the road to the tourist. Even thought about wearing a moo-moo like my granny used to wear...all the time.

I was traveling, dating, dining and dancing...flying here and there and literally living from one dollar to the next.
I was living... Yes, to an extent just surviving but all and all...I've got more memories from the past 3 years then some people have in a life time... regardless of struggle or whether I was coasting. I was like a new born baby...or to put it so that it actually means something...I was like a twenty-something year old who had their whole life in front of them and they were young fun and just living for the experience.
That was me...but way past my twenty-somethings.

But then,

I moved down here to the Souf. Met a gang of dudes, fell in and out of love and back in love again, been used and abused, had a pocket full of dolla bills to not having a pot to piss in. I've attended every festival know to Louisiana...with some being "go backs" and others being "stay away froms". Experienced weather I've never seen from 90% humidity to hail the size of baseballs to electrical lightening shows to rain down pours to make my toes curl because of flooding, regardless of how minor it was. I've re-connected and dis-connected with people.
All within 9 months.

But somewhere in there...I turned a corner and lost my way from the spirit of the care-free lifestyle I had.

Basically,
I fucked around and grew up.

Got a "man".
Got a job.
Got a car.
Got a place.
Got some friends.
...and am thinking about home ownership.

I've never wanted to own a home. Those of you who know me...or used to read me know I have a problem with commitment.

Yet, here I am thinking that it might be ok to think about those types of things now. That it's time.

I've always associated owning a home with being locked down. Confining. Commitment and responsibility.
I'm not good with that. Any of that.
Or rather, I wasn't.
Hmmm.

Now don't get this post confused with being for real, for real grown. I still have my moments of total chaos. Or with being uninhibited and without any moral compass.

Oh no no mon ami, I am still that woman. The one most mothers told there sons neva eva to get caught up in.Yeah, I'm still same old Bloopty...

Just with some grown up stuff to go along with it.

I'd liken myself to Ba.rbie but...she's not my complexion and from conception has never needed a got damn thing...yet, she has it all. However, to use her as an analogy... grown up with grown up shit but all and all...I'm just someone to have play with. Not to be taken seriously...nor do I think I want to be taken seriously all of the time.
Everything in life is replaceable...
Even that bitch Ba.rbie.

But for now...
...got me a Ken,
...got me a Ba.rbie sports car (but not pink or convertible)
...got me a Ba.rbie New Orleans shot-gun type of dream home (not quite the dream home...and it's not in Malibu)


Disclaimer: I reserve the right to flip back into old Bloopty mode any damn time I feel like it. One must always remember that Blah Blah Blah is a constant contradiction.