I'm a Republican

Dating in the south is something that is SO foriegn to me that I, me, Bloop, Blop, Blip, Blah Blah Blah has no idea what's going on. I truly feel like a 15 year old girl going on her first date out here. And believe me when I say that I am far...and away... and far and away from being 15. This shit is ALL brand new to me.

Now since I moved to the good old Souf...Weeziana...I have met many a man...many...many...(too got damn many) a man...and I can truely say... I. do. not. know. shit. about. men!

Back story is this...

I left my husband 10 years ago and started dating ridiculously. Most people can't comprehend ridiculolus because y'all muthafuckas think in terms of "true love" and "life long", whereas I think of dating as something to do when I am bored...hungry...need something...bored. So when I say ridiculous... I used to "date" 10-15 men at one time...as a sport, a hobby...a past-time...a hustle. It was fun to me. I never proclaimed love. I never proclaimed fidelity. I never claimed a life-long union. Dating was for fun and when it became too emotional, I broke out.

I observed men, studied men, looked at their action, character, their routine, their everything. I became what they needed me to be. I adjusted, acclimated, played the part, to who they wanted or thought they needed in their life.

I coulda, shoulda...

...won an Oscar.

That's the back story.

Current story goes a little something like this...

Men from the Souf are some bullshit.

No one here says what they really mean...and they pass that shit off like it's "southern hospitality", being a "gentleman", not wanting to hurt anyone feelings, being "considerate"....

...so you see...

I'm not the type of chick thats going to totally waste your time. You have an interest, I have an interest. We go on some dates and you for no Got Damn reason have a different perception of what just went on. DUDE, we had dinner, there is no call for you to think about wedding rings, co-habitation, babies and vows. It's food and conversation. That. Is. It.

...but if I say that...then I become the outsider, the anomoly, too much work, to harsh, rough around the edges...

...yet men will complain that they don't know what women want...

...and when a woman very clearly tells you what she wants...

...it's too much for you to handle.

I get it.

No! Really I do.

After all, women always speak of wanting a "good man"...but then that "good man" presents himself and that good man is always going to fall short of what you have created in your fairy-tale world...different from what you are used to. Different from what you truly want.

Most women would be ok with being treated like shit.

Sad too say.

However, so many women are used to bullshit walking up to them and whispering in their ear.

Bullshit will boost their ego. Make them feel good for a moment [because Bullshit knows that it's in the first 5 minutes that count when a woman decides she'll fuck you...or not]...so Bullshit can say just about anything to make you smile and make you feel sexy...for those 5 minutes.

And based off those 5 minutes...you will create a 3 year relationship of drama3x because how he made you feel "at the beginning"...and women being all fucking romantical will take those first 5 minutes and stretch them out until those 5 minutes will damn near come close to the man has slept with your mama and drained your bank account and fathered 5 kids and then shot you in your knee...

SO you see...

I get where one thing can become something totally different based off the ONE persons perception. We can be in this together but at the end of the day...we do not have the same mind. It gets all fucked up.

Mind you, this is totally off topic regarding what I wanted this post to be about...

So to circle around to my TITLE...

I was at this birthday party down here in the Souf, souf Louisiana...dranks where flowing...shit talking was flowing...and good feeling about what "may be" where flowing...and then...

A group of 5 men came up to me...

One who is "my girl's" man

One I may have some fucking thoughts about

One who may be just for a dinner or two

...and other at random dudes who do not interest me with their GOLD teefes, starched jeans with creases in them and cuffed...and pristine white sneakers [a brand I've never heard of] and braids or dew? do? due? rags on...

I stood there drinking my rum and Coke while they debated amongst themselves about the thought of... "what is you mixed wiff"...

...and as the norm goes...

I waited for the standard... Eastcoast Puerto Rican, Dominican. Or Westcoast, Hawaiian, Filipino, Mexican.

[No one ever guesses Native American. Ever.]

One lone voice broke out from the chaos and said, "I know what she is! She's Dominican REPUBLICAN"

Damn the Souf